Howard Stern is NOT exiting SiriusXM anytime soon, at least that’s what this week’s magnificent stunt on the show tells us.
Early yesterday morning, a parade of chaos began as Bravo’s Andy Cohen popped into Howard’s studio, topped the 7 a.m. hour, and proudly declared that he was seizing the channel, rebranding it as “Andy 100.” Of course, the real twist was the next twist, as reporters at places like CNBC, Variety, and the Associated Press jumped on the “stunning departure” angle and hit publish. Fans freaked and the financial folks blinked.
Scarier still, SiriusXM (SIRI) shares dipped a quick 2% too in premarket trading, only to recover because, let’s admit it, the marketplace is learning Howard’s shenanigans habits. All of it took a nosedive, only to promptly lift.
A solid 10-minutes after Cohen teased the “glam takeover” desk, the real King of All Media sauntered into the hot seat and slapped the actual news, which was, surprise surprise, there is no news. “It was a prank” he declared, adding, “I applaud the newsroom but they gotta check a calendar next time.” He also blasted the bad gossip fueling his “is he or isn’t he on Monday” rep while he was out sick, a classic twist he timed like a pro.
Lost in the chaos indeed is the fact that the scary uncertainty about Howard’s SiriusXM future still cooks gently. He inked a 5-Year pact in 2020, with several personal and contractual “I may leave” escape hatches. Last week he had promised a “listen, here’s what’s next” chat, but the flu excuses kindly delayed the update to this Monday.
“What’s really funny is (now) not being allowed to quit,” Stern joked on air yesterday. “I keep mulling retirement. Then I realize I can’t.”
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Officially, he hasn’t yet given a timeline on hanging up the headphones, but he said talks with the brass have felt “fantastic” and that he’s “extremely happy at Sirius.”
Right after he chuckled, he ran a segment on anchors gulping raw fish bait on an Orlando TV morning news segment that fell for this year’s fake Stern retirement stunt. The laughs kept rolling when he referenced a sit-up dispute with Alex Cooper.
The BuzzFeed story said they have beef after her $125 million payday with Sirius, and the internet ran with it. “I’m a 70-year-old bald wreck. Alex is younger and bubbly. Well, God bless her. Maybe she dusts her house while I’m Googling lumbar pillow sales,” he cracked.
Mid-morning he told fans that the flu is forcing him to take a day or two off, warnings that only added to the online murmur he might be leaving.
Sirius has cut staff and content budgets several times since 2021. Shares lost nearly 60 percent of their value this decade.
Stern quit regular FM radio in 2006 with a reported $500 million signing bonus. The industry buzz stretched to the moon when he hopped to what was then Sirius Satellite Radio (before the XM merger) and redefined the meaning of “exclusive.”